official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize