She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
