I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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