Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I want her autograph on my taint
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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