So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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