ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
