When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
