my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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