Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
