just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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