You're my little dorito
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
