how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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