One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
