You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
