He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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