M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
