i think i recognize dicks better than faces
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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