dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
