So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
