i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
