the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
