if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
