chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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