sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
