You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
