It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
