I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
