Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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