It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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