Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
