Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
