those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
