I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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