I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize