Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
