okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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