I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
