My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
