He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
