she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
