She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Randomize
