You just made me feel so damn special
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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