i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you traded sex for a burrito?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
