Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Semen is not good for contacts.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
