wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
