So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
