i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
