so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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