The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
