I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
