it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
