marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
