We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
