He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Holy shit dude........stairs
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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