i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
