I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
