I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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