I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
