A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
