onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
