living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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