I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
