Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm getting married
To pizza
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
