my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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